Animal House
I have three girls...three girls and an irreverent sense of humor.
This is why I had no one but myself to blame when I realized how much my once peaceful home resembles a constant re-run of Animal House.
It's the oldest, my lovely Quokka who most often chides me for my...um...inappropriate jokes. Athena, on the other hand, joins in. And Badger, Badger lives by the credo: go big, or go home.
So, the other night Badger was pouting a bit because her beloved Wubble (yes, for those of you who aren't in the know, that's an actual thing - go Google it, we'll wait) was a bit deflated and saggy. To lift the mood, I pulled up her shirt and blew on her bellybutton to "inflate the saggy Wubble." There were loud raspberry sounds, giggling, fighting to get away. Fun times! The pout was replaced by laughter and all was right across Puff land.
And then my Badger decided to demonstrate, once again, that she is aptly named. She dropped her pants, bent over, pried her little butt cheeks apart and shrieked, "Mama, my butt is deflated! Blow it up!!!"
To which I replied, "No you sick little kid! Stop showing me your butt and put your pants back on."
Which she naturally countered by following me around, repeatedly showing me her bare bum and shouting, "Blow on it. BLOW ON IT!"
I live with a tiny, female version of John Belushi.
Today she gave me a picture...I've named him Mr. Peenee...she tells me it's a picture of me. The other two refused to touch it. Well, Quokka picked it up to look at it, but then tossed it down with an, "Eeeeewwwwwww!" once she got a good look at it. Mr. Puff saw it too, but tells me it's my mind that's in the gutter.
I'm just glad that the two similar pictures she drew on the carpet with Sharpie marker washed out (after six months and several carpet cleanings) because everyone who came over asked, "Um, why is there a picture of a penis on your rug?" No, Wanksy doesn't live here, Badger does (for the record, she claimed she was drawing candles).
Good night dear reader, good night Badger, good night Mr. Peenee...sweet dreams.
*Note: Before having school-aged children, It never occurred to me that a nine or 11 year old would understand sarcastic innuendo...but, even the nine year old has friends with smart phones and they both come home asking questions that didn't occur to me until high school ("Mom, what's a dick pic? Mom! What's a pole dancer? Mom,what is car porn? What does that mean?...). They're already familiar with slang terms and concepts that I didn't know about until college...and I wasn't particularly sheltered. For those of you who think that children this age don't know these things...they're either exceptionally sheltered, live in a place without feral children running loose with iPhones that have no parental controls, are doing a better job than my kids of hiding what they think they know, or they think you'll be mad at them if they ask. I started actively querying the kids when I heard oldest kid explaining a really warped understanding of basic biology to middle kid based on what she'd been shown on a friend's phone at school. Badger is still blessedly ignorant. She's disgusting and loves fart jokes, but she doesn't get innuendo and her Kindergarten buddies don't have phones yet.
This is why I had no one but myself to blame when I realized how much my once peaceful home resembles a constant re-run of Animal House.
It's the oldest, my lovely Quokka who most often chides me for my...um...inappropriate jokes. Athena, on the other hand, joins in. And Badger, Badger lives by the credo: go big, or go home.
So, the other night Badger was pouting a bit because her beloved Wubble (yes, for those of you who aren't in the know, that's an actual thing - go Google it, we'll wait) was a bit deflated and saggy. To lift the mood, I pulled up her shirt and blew on her bellybutton to "inflate the saggy Wubble." There were loud raspberry sounds, giggling, fighting to get away. Fun times! The pout was replaced by laughter and all was right across Puff land.
And then my Badger decided to demonstrate, once again, that she is aptly named. She dropped her pants, bent over, pried her little butt cheeks apart and shrieked, "Mama, my butt is deflated! Blow it up!!!"
To which I replied, "No you sick little kid! Stop showing me your butt and put your pants back on."
Which she naturally countered by following me around, repeatedly showing me her bare bum and shouting, "Blow on it. BLOW ON IT!"
I live with a tiny, female version of John Belushi.
 |
| Mr. Peenee in all his glory! |
I'm just glad that the two similar pictures she drew on the carpet with Sharpie marker washed out (after six months and several carpet cleanings) because everyone who came over asked, "Um, why is there a picture of a penis on your rug?" No, Wanksy doesn't live here, Badger does (for the record, she claimed she was drawing candles).
Good night dear reader, good night Badger, good night Mr. Peenee...sweet dreams.
*Note: Before having school-aged children, It never occurred to me that a nine or 11 year old would understand sarcastic innuendo...but, even the nine year old has friends with smart phones and they both come home asking questions that didn't occur to me until high school ("Mom, what's a dick pic? Mom! What's a pole dancer? Mom,what is car porn? What does that mean?...). They're already familiar with slang terms and concepts that I didn't know about until college...and I wasn't particularly sheltered. For those of you who think that children this age don't know these things...they're either exceptionally sheltered, live in a place without feral children running loose with iPhones that have no parental controls, are doing a better job than my kids of hiding what they think they know, or they think you'll be mad at them if they ask. I started actively querying the kids when I heard oldest kid explaining a really warped understanding of basic biology to middle kid based on what she'd been shown on a friend's phone at school. Badger is still blessedly ignorant. She's disgusting and loves fart jokes, but she doesn't get innuendo and her Kindergarten buddies don't have phones yet.
