Congratulations! You Now Have a Middle Child...

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My neighbor stopped by to chat about the surprise third baby she will be having in early December, and the addition they will be building on their two-bedroom house to accommodate their soon-to-be five-person family.

We laughed and congratulated and reminisced about having Badger. We commiserated about the challenge of going back to diapers and highchairs. We joked about birthdays and kid spacing (both Athena and Badger were born in September...apparently the holidays are really joyous around here), and we offered help if they ever need it because three can be challenging.

Hanging with baby Badger
I really wanted to say so much more, and maybe even scream a few warnings, but why scare the poor woman while she’s six months pregnant? Badger was very on-purpose (we worked to have that kid, if you call working having lots of sex at the right time of the month), but we had no idea at all what we were getting ourselves into - not a clue about how much more difficult it would be to make the leap from two to three.

Of course, Badger does not make it any easier. In fact, she’s upstairs torturing her sisters as I type by singing random, made-up songs, terribly.  I can hear them begging her to just let them sleep. Part of me feels bad, and part is snickering about it because they've done the same thing to me.

And then, this: "Ewww, get off of me!"
After almost four years in the trenches, I have a few of thoughts on how things changed with three kids:

  1. Suddenly, you’re outnumbered…
  2. Seriously, you’re outnumbered!
  3. You now have one more kid than you have hands
  4. This causes all kinds of difficulty
  5. Yes, your now middle child will be sulky and sometimes crabby about being the forgotten kid – not bossy or accomplished enough to be noticed like the oldest, not in need of physical help and attention like the baby, it’s a trial for everyone involved 
  6. You will still try to give everyone as much attention as you do now, you can’t, but it won’t stop you from trying
  7. You will feel even more guilty than you already do – exponentially more guilty
  8. You will discover new dimensions of tired that you never knew existed – just give in and buy the blond roast; high-octane caffeine in a bag
  9. You will always, always, always have someone hanging on you (yes, even more than with two, I know that doesn't seem possible, but trust me, it is)
  10. You will find new levels of desperation to have just 10 minutes without being grabbed or having someone yell, “Mom, mom, mamma, mom, mommy, mom, MOM!”
  11. Even if your kids get along reasonably well, you are effectively doubling the amount of fighting in your house – take whatever frequency you have now and multiply by two
  12. For the next several years, someone will almost always be crying about something
  13. If you can see two of them, the third is up to no good
  14. No matter how hard you try to prevent it, they will tend to pair off and gang up on the odd man out 
  15. Someone will always complain about what’s to eat
  16. It gets even harder to make sure everyone thinks you’re keeping things even
  17. Forget everything you think you know about potty training, the third one will still surprise you
  18. The third kid will burst all of your bubbles about how you've got this parenting thing down and have a reasonably good idea about what you’re doing – it’s the third kid’s job to show you that you still don’t know jack
  19. People will comment on how many kids you have (It’s three, not 15, yet still they goggle)
  20. People will say stupid things
  21. People will ask you if you’re planning on having more
  22. If your kids are all one gender, people will ask you if you were trying for the opposite gender
  23. People will ask if you’re going to try again to get the opposite gender
  24. You will want to smack these people
  25. You will have to work really hard sometimes not to smack these people
  26. The most amazing moment of your new life will be the first time you see all three of them playing together, and one and two are making sure number three can keep up
  27. Group hugs are awesome
  28. Three kids means even more help in your old age - and a reasonable chance that at least one of them will still like you by that point
  29. Having three little sets of hands pat you, three sets of arms hug you at various heights on your body, and three little pursed lips kiss you makes numbers 1 – 25 worth it
  30. You will realize more than ever that love is infinite, and in those quiet moments when we get to just enjoy these amazing little people we've made, you will feel like you might fly apart from the pressure of the love welling inside you, and you’ll know it’s enough, you're enough, for everyone

One of those moments...

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